Good grief and NOT like, ” Good grief Charlie Brown!”
Is there such a thing as good grief?
Good grief lends itself to a greater joy once it’s released.
With that being said, it’s not easy to lean into grief. This I know. I’ve tried to avoid it at all costs and its cost me. I’m walking through it as I write these words. Allow me to share my thoughts with you about leaning into grief only to learn more about how good grief is a vital part of our healing. The good, the bad and yes, even the ugly emotions that embody grief.
First off, there’s no wrong way to grieve and in no way can you attach a time limit to your grieving process. Grief may take on many faces in a matter of minutes and that is okay my friends.
You can be sad one minute, angry the next, depressed, then happy, confused and then at peace all within moments of grieving a loss of any kind. Mixed emotions while grieving are quite normal. Ambiguous feelings unlock the door to our present reality and actually allows us to “feel all the feels” without judgement or shame.
Trust me, I just walked through that door.
If you are devoid of emotions or feel numb, more than likely you’ve shut down your heart in order not to deal with your pain. Pain comes in many forms as does grief. It could be from a broken relationship, the passing of a loved one, a defining betrayal, insidious infidelity, blurred lines between family members, dark disappointments, violated boundaries, shattered dreams etc.
It’s actually good to grieve. It’s a must if we want to move forward into a healthy and abundant life.
I found this out just the other day in a very unexpected yet tangible way. 😭 Quite honestly, I had been grappling with grieving the finality of a thing, something that had plagued me for quite sometime actually. I just couldn’t let that thing go. I hung onto hope for real authentic change. I was once again, sorely disappointed. Being an ever hopeful empath, an eternal optimist, letting go of what I had to grieve was hope itself. False hope. I had held onto false hope like you’d hold onto a child’s hand when crossing a busy street. With a tight grip, you don’t let go of that child’s hand until they are safe and secure on the other side of the streeet, right? I found myself, holding on, once again, trying to make it right, fix the unfixable, rescue the past and yes, ultimately control the outcome to make everyone else happy. Because I cared more about the other persons safety and security than my own, I compromised my own safety and security, scarified and sold my soul to save theirs. In retrospect, this was the way I had been groomed my whole life so letting go of the thing was beyond painful. I had to grieve it. The false hope and belief that it could change, held me hostage for way to long.
I’ve never been a quitter. Like ever! So letting go and grieving the loss of what I had hoped for, felt like complete failure again. I felt I had failed again. I felt like I had failed and disappointed my family yet again.I felt I had failed the church, I felt I had failed God again. I felt like I had failed my once unwavering faith. I felt I had failed myself yet again. I had to grieve it all. I had to face the pain. It wasn’t pretty! We’re talking the UGLY cry, but it was a good kind of grief.
Holding onto a unhopeful and destructive situation just caused more pain for all involved. What I had done was cling to the illusion of hope itself, instead of to the GOD of hope.
Yet it was the closure I desperately needed and knew was eminent but seemed so very elusive . It felt like too great a risk to surrender this grief and call it good. I held onto my grief like it was my friend. Turns out, it was. Grief can hold your hand and walk you through the darkness and eventually into a new light and a new way of looking at things. A new perspective brightens the horizon and gives way to a hopeful future. There comes a godly grace that can accompany you during the grieving process. Getting in touch with all the losses, all the disappointments ,all the betrayals, all the aloneness associated with our story, then grieving is indeed good and necessary.
So I gave myself permission to let it go, to really grieve the pain of what was really at hand, my own disillusionment of what could have been if only… I grieved deeply for myself and forgave myself for selling my soul for the hopeful “what if ” that I had clung to. It actually felt good to let that thing finally go!
Grieving our losses is a vital to part of this life’s glorious gain. Every seeming loss has the potential to become one of life’s greatest gains and lessons learned.
Hence, good grief is indeed, good.
As you lean into any grief that you have hidden within the caverns of your heart, get real with it, feel it, deal with it and He will heal it. I promise there will come a greater joy once you’ve truly released it.
His anger lasts only a moment, His goodness for a lifetime. Tears may flow in the night, but joy comes in the morning.
In His kindness God called you to share in His eternal glory by means of Christ Jesus. So after you have suffered a little while, He will restore, support and strengthen you on a firm foundation.
Much love and grace,❤️